(no subject)

Well, I think this account has lasted more consecutive-use days than any of my diaries ever have. Which goes to say something about the usage of my diaries. Huh.
It's nice to write. It really is. Just to have somewhere to put everything in my brain. And I do think I do better with typing rather than writing (as with the poor neglected diary; I get things done a little faster typing & my handwriting has... never been great) so it's like. This makes sense. I like this.

And it's unrelated to that thought, but something just got me thinking. I've always wanted to make a video game of some caliber, you know. I just wonder sometimes if I have the skills that might help me to make everything I want to make. Be everything I want to be. Create something that matters.
It's funny, almost, that I hold myself to such high standards. Destroying myself over some shitty project won't fix whatever's wrong with me (though therapy probably would, if I were to choose that route), and I know that, and sometimes I wonder 'well maybe if I just sit down and work really hard on something...' but it won't help, will it? It'll only make me more tired.
Sometimes, people act like making a game is easy. A minute trying will tell you it's not: but the feeling still sticks. Is it easier for them than it is for me? Should I have been something more by now? No and no, but... even if it is hard for them, at least they have an end-product to show for it. I can't help but just sulk over it all.

in (slowly approaching) memoriam of a piece of technology that somehow lasted this long

My drawing tablet has been acting up for a while now. It's always had issues charging/connecting via cord (needing constant adjustments for that one right angle & failing if it gets knocked even slightly crooked) to the degree where the Windows USB disconnect/failure sound is just about burned into my memory, but then the wireless stopped working recently. So now I have to fight with the cord to get anything out of it, and I'm sick of it.
I've only ever used the same model, and this was my third. All of them have had the same wired connection issues, so either it's the worst case of user error in my life, or the model just... does that. No matter the cause, I've finally had enough-- my deep-seated urge for consistency and sameness is getting ignored, and I'm actually choosing a different model this time.
I hope that whatever I go with works right. I'll just have to deal with what I have now till it arrives.